IN MANY OF THE STORIES ABOUT AN INDIVIDUALS EXPERIENCE IN VIETNAM, YOU WILL READ WHERE THE INDIVIDUAL MENTIONS "BURNING SHIT." THE TERM "BURNING SHIT" IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE A FORM OF OR THE USE OF PROFANITY.

IN VIETNAM, THERE WERE VERY FEW (IF ANY) FLUSH TOILETS IN THE LATRINES AT THE BASECAMPS. A PROCEDURE WAS DEVISED BY A HAND SELECTED GROUP OF HIGHLY QUALIFIED, COLLEGE EDUCATED, WELL-PAID MEDICAL PERSONNEL, SCIENTIST, BIOCHEMIST AND ENGINEERS (CONSULTANTS) TO DISPOSE OF HUMAN WASTE. AFTER MANY MONTHS OF STUDIES AND COMMITTEE MEETINGS, BLUEPRINTS AND PLANS WERE DRAWN UP AND A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR FIELD TEST WAS CONDUCTED IN RURAL AREAS OF THE SOUTHERN UNITED STATES. THE PROCEDURE DEVELOPED WAS THE BUILDING OF OUTSIDE LATRINES (M1A1) AT ALL U.S. MILITARY BASECAMPS.

DIGGING A LARGE HOLE IN THE GROUND AND PLACING THE M1A1 LATRINE OVER IT WOULD WORK, BUT THE HIGH USAGE OF THE LATRINE MADE THIS METHOD IMPRACTICAL. DEPENDING ON THE SIZE OF THE BASECAMP, THE NUMBER OF SOLDIERS AND THE QUALITY OF THE FOOD SERVED. (FIELD AND SANITATION MANUALS REQUIRE "X" AMOUNT OF LATRINES FOR "X" AMOUNT OF SOLDIERS) M1A1 LATRINES WOULD BE FILLED QUICKLY BY THE SOLDIERS NORMAL EVERYDAY USE.

ONCE A LATRINE IS FILLED DUE TO USAGE, IT WOULD BE CLOSED, THE BUILDING STRUCTURE WOULD BE REMOVED, AND THE HOLE FILLED IN WITH DIRT. A SIGN WOULD BE ERECTED OVER THE SITE WITH THE FOLLOWING WORDING "CLOSED LATRINE, DATE: 8 JANUARY 1967" (EXAMPLE) THE SITES SIGN APPEARED SIMILAR TO HISTORICAL MARKERS POSTED HERE IN THE UNITED STATES, AND THAT PLOT OF SOIL BECAME NO MANS LAND, NEVER TO BE USED AGAIN. COORDINATES OF THE SITE WERE RECORDED, ENCODED AND FORWARDED TO THE PENTAGON FOR FUTURE STUDIES BY STUDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES ARMY WAR COLLEGE. AFTER THIS WAS ACCOMPLISHED, A NEW LATRINE WOULD BE MAPPED OUT AND BUILT IN A NEW LOCATION WITHIN THE BASECAMP.

IMAGINE IF YOU WOULD, HERE A LATRINE, THERE A LATRINE, EVERYWHERE A LATRINE-LATRINE, E-I-E-I-O, WELL YOU KNOW HOW THE SONG GOES. OVER TIME THE ENTIRE BASECAMP WOULD BECOME ONE VERY LARGE CLOSED LATRINE, AND FOR HEALTH REASONS THIS WOULD REQUIRE THE BASECAMP TO BE RELOCATED ELSEWHERE, AND THAT WOULD BE IMPRACTICAL AND COSTLY. THE CONSULTANT TEAMS WERE RECALLED AND AGAIN AFTER STUDIES, COMMITTEE MEETINGS AND FIELD TESTING THE CONSENSUS WAS THAT A MODIFICATION WOULD BE REQUIRED TO THE ORIGINAL PLAN (M1A1 LATRINE)

THE CHANGES TO THE PROCEDURE (PLAN "A"), WHICH WAS DEVELOPED BY THE ABOVE-MENTIONED CONSULTANTS, WAS TO INSTALL A MODIFICATION TO THE TIME TESTED M1A1 LATRINE. THIS MODIFICATION REQUIRED THE INSTALLATION AND USE OF 55 GALLON BARRELS, GASOLINE, DIESEL FUEL AND 1 LOWLY PRIVATE.

THE BARRELS WOULD BE CUT IN HALF, A FEW GALLONS OF DIESEL FUEL POURED IN AND THEN PLACED UNDER THE SEAT (USUALLY TWO HOLERS.) THROUGHOUT THE DAY SOLDIERS USED THE NEW AND IMPROVED M1A2 LATRINES AND THE BARRELS COLLECTED ALL THE WASTE. (SOLID WASTE, LIQUID WASTE IS ANOTHER STORY)

BRIGHT AND EARLY EACH MORNING SOME LOWLY PRIVATE (USUALLY COLLEGE EDUCATED AND FURTHER REFERRED TO AS "THE BURNER"), WOULD BE ASSIGNED TO THIS PRESTIGIOUS DUTY. HE DONNED HIS FLAK JACKET, HELMET AND WEB GEAR, GRABBED HIS WEAPON AND REPORTED TO HIS PLACE OF DUTY (THE M1A2 LATRINE) TO HONESTLY AND FAITHFULLY SERVE HIS COUNTRY IN TIME OF WAR.

ONCE AT HIS DUTY STATION, HIS TASK WOULD BE TO EXCHANGE THE FILLED BARRELS WITH FRESH BARRELS. THIS REQUIRED HIS TOTAL CONCENTRATION AND ATTENTION TO DETAIL. FIRST HE HAD TO ENSURE THE LATRINE WAS NOT CURRENTLY IN USE, WITH ONE HAND HE HELD OPEN THE REAR DOOR OF THE LATRINE AND WITH HIS OTHER HAND HE REACHED IN AND PULLED OUT THE FILLED BARREL. (LATER STUDIES BY THE STUDENTS OF THE ARMY WAR COLLEGE FOUND THAT IF A HOOK WAS BOLTED TO THE SIDE OF THE BARREL, A STICK ALSO WITH A HOOK ATTACHED COULD BE USED TO PULL OUT THE BARREL, HENCE THE CURRENT M1A3 LATRINE) IN MOST LATRINES, THE DISTANCE FROM THE PLYWOOD FLOOR TO THE GROUND WAS 10 TO 12 INCHES. THIS DEPENDED ON THE SLOPE OF THE TERRAIN AT THE LATRINES LOCATION AND THE WIDTH OF THE LUMBER USED IN THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE LATRINE. THIS SUDDEN DROP CAUSED CONTENTS IN THE BARREL TO SPLASH OUT. IF THE BURNER WERE NOT CAREFULLY PAYING ATTENTION TO DETAIL, HE WOULD BE COVERED FROM HEAD TO FOOT WITH THE CONTENTS OF THE BARREL.

NEXT HE WOULD DRAG THE BARRELS A SAFE DISTANCE AWAY FROM THE LATRINE AND PREPARE IT FOR BURNING. APPROXIMATELY ONE GALLON OF GASOLINE (A CORRECTLY MEASURED AMOUNT OF GASOLINE WAS AN IMPORTANT STEP IN BURNING SHIT) WOULD BE ADDED TO THE DIESEL FUEL ALREADY IN THE BARREL AND THE CONTENTS WOULD BE STIRRED THOROUGHLY WITH A STICK. THIS "STIRRING" ALSO WAS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP IN THE BURNING PROCESS. IF THE CONTENTS WERE NOT PAINSTAKINGLY STIRRED "AFTER" THE GASOLINE WAS ADDED, WHEN THE BURNER TOSSED IN THE MATCH AN EXPLOSION WOULD OCCUR. THE BURSTING RADIUS OF AN EXPLODING BARREL OF SHIT IS APPROXIMATELY 10 METERS. WHICH MEANS, IF YOU WERE WITHIN 10 METERS OF THE EXPLOSION YOU WOULD BE COVERED WITH THE CONTENTS (HOT SHIT) FROM THE BARREL.

I WOULD LIKE TO MENTION AT THIS POINT, IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT FOR SMOKERS WHO USED THE LATRINE TO CHECK THE BARRELS VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE LIGHTING UP. IF YOUR BURNER WAS NOT THOROUGHLY BRIEFED BY A SAFETY OFFICER PRIOR TO PERFORMING HIS DUTIES, HE MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY POURED GASOLINE INSTEAD OF DIESEL FUEL IN THE FRESH BARRELS. SAFETY WAS OF THE UTMOST CONCERN FOR THE SOLDIERS.

ONCE THE PRECISELY MEASURED AMOUNT OF GASOLINE WAS ADDED TO THE DIESEL FUEL AND THE CONTENTS STIRRED, THE BURNER WOULD TOSS IN THE MATCH TO START THE BURNING PROCESS. THE REST OF HIS DAY WOULD BE SPENT ADDING MORE GASOLINE AND DIESEL FUEL AND STIRRING. THIS PROCESS, MORE COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS "COOKING UP SOME SHIT" WAS CONTINUED UNTIL ALL CONTENTS OF THE BARREL WERE REDUCED TO ASHES.

THIS PROCEDURE TOOK PLACE IN EVERY BASECAMP IN COUNTRY, 7 DAYS A WEEK 365 DAYS A YEAR, DO NOT FORGET TO ADD AN EXTRA DAY OF "BURNING SHIT" DURING LEAP YEARS. THIS MUST HAVE BEEN ONE HELL OF A WAY TO SPEND YOUR CHRISTMAS.

IF YOU WERE FLYING ABOVE AN AREA WITH 5 OR 6 BASECAMPS WITHIN CLOSE PROXIMITY OF EACH OTHER, A COMMON SIGHT WOULD BE BLACK STREAMS OF SMOKE BILLOWING STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR FROM THE EDGE OF EACH CAMPS PERIMETER.

IN YOUR MIND, PICTURE THE OLD WESTERN MOVIES WHERE THE INDIANS SENT SMOKE SIGNALS FROM TRIBE TO TRIBE. WAY OUT IN THE DISTANCE SPANNING A WIDE VALLEY, NARROW STREAMS OF SMOKE FLOWING UPWARD INTO THE AIR. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, THE INDIANS WEREN'T BURNING SHIT, AND THE COLOR OF THEIR SMOKE WAS WHITE.

AGAIN, I WANT TO ELABORATE, OR CONVEY TO READERS THAT NEVER HAD THE EXPERIENCE OF SPENDING TIME IN THE COUNTRY OF VIETNAM DURING THE 60's AND 70's, THAT THE PHRASE "BURNING SHIT" IS IN NO WAY MEANT TO BE USED AS A FORM OF PROFANITY. SOME HOW USING THE PHRASE "BURNING HUMAN WASTE", "BURNING HUMAN EXCREMENT", "BURNING WASTE DISCHARGED FROM THE BODY'S ALIMENTARY CANAL" JUST DOESN'T TELL IT LIKE IT IS.